Talking With Your Kids About Tough Issues

As our children age, the inevitably begin to spend more time on their own.  Along with that freedom, however, come the difficult choices that all kids face when their parents are out of sight.  That’s why now is the perfect time to talk with your kids about the “tough issues” – drinking, drugs, sex, violence – and how they will handle these situations when they surface (and don’t think they won’t!).

Kids today are exposed at a much earlier age than past generations to issues such as sex, alcohol and violence.  They see them in the media, in movies, in television, and on the internet.  Although they may not be talking about these subjects at home, it’s likely that these issues are already part of the regular banter at school.  In their pre-teen years, your children are more likely to turn to you for information.  But, with older children, parents often find that they are quickly replaced by peers and other outsiders as sources of knowledge.

So start talking with your kids about the tough topics today.  If you need an opening, use a movie or popular television show to begin the dialogue.  For example, watch a teen show together and then ask your child, “What would you do in that situation?” or “Have any of your friends faced that dilemma?  What happened?”  By asking just a few questions, and listening carefully to how your child responds, you can open the lines of communication that hopefully will continue for many years to come.

Here are a few additional tips that may help you to communicate better with your kids:

  • Start talking now! – Begin chatting with your kids on a regular basis.  Keep the conversation going and create an open environment where they will feel free to talk with you about anything and everything.  Take time each week for a quiet walk to the park or some other activity where you can talk together without interruption.  Remember -- it’s never too early to start a dialogue with your child!
  • Keep it simple – Parents sometimes make the mistake of speaking at an “adult level” when talking about tough topics such as sex.  In order to keep your child interested and engaged, use language they will understand, and keep it brief and to the point.
  • Listen, listen, listen – In today’s hectic world, we often try to accomplish many tasks at the same time, such as reading our email while having a conversation with our child.  But, if your child wants to talk, you need to give your full attention. Since kids sometimes take a while to get to the point, be sure to listen carefully to what your child is telling you – otherwise you might miss something important.
  • Be truthful – Kids know when they’re not getting the full story.  Always be honest, even if the subject matter is complicated or awkward to discuss.
  • Be persistent – Sometimes it takes multiple conversations to get your point across.  Don’t give up! Keep talking, and be sure to ask questions a few days later to make sure your child understands what was discussed.  A little repetition can go a long way in driving home a message.

On a final note, always keep in mind that children often mimic what parents do.  If kids see a lot of drinking or drug use in their homes, they will probably be influenced by these events.  As parents, we all need to model whatever behavior we expect our own children to adopt.

So take the time now to talk with your kids, and don’t worry about whether it’s too soon to bring up the tough issues.  After all, wouldn’t you much rather be too early than too late?